Where do you live? Not physically. Mentally. Are you in the moment? Are you in the past? In the future? Where are you?

We’ve all read endless self-help-type articles or books over the years, I’m sure. Whether you’ve perused the actual section in that elusive building called the bookstore (remember those?), or clicked on that catchy article title on social media, I imagine we are all guilty of searching for life’s secrets, as written by everyday, ordinary humans. As such, I know it’s no secret, by now, that several of them talk about the same things: practice gratitude, eat healthy and exercise, be a morning person, and, of course, be present in the moment. Being present in the moment is such a common goal, command!, that it’s the belief behind certain religions and spans its own marketplace. In fact, it’s so well-known that I think most of us just overlook it when we start reading yet another article. Live in the moment. Yea, yea, yea…what else?

(Comical side note: I am currently sitting in a bookstore and the book left on the table in front of me is THE POWER OF NOW. That wasn’t even planned! OK, back to writing. For you, reading.)

For me, the question becomes- if I’m not living in the moment, where am I living? My immediate answer is that I’m living in the past. After all, that’s where my “glory” days are, right? I was a star athlete, popular in school, always busy with various activities, firmly immersed in the dating scene. I went to college and then on to law school. I succeeded. All of the great things I’ve done are in the past. That’s where my identity comes from. Those are my stories. It’s those moments that define my self-image.

This tendency is what leads to the brutal punch to the gut when I realize how much has changed. If I am an athlete, capable of so many things, always busy with various activities, and living it up in the dating scene, then why do I find myself struggling with physical movements that used to come so easy? Why are my evenings after work largely uneventful? Why am I straining to remember my last date? Because, the truth is those things are not my present. They are the events that led me here. That’s it. Without my decision to continue that life, it rests firmly in the past.

This realization didn’t do it for me, though. I still had this nagging feeling that I was missing something. Then it hit me. I don’t actually live in the past. I live in the future. I am the comeback kid. I am that woman who rediscovered her inner athlete after a decade of being morbidly obese. I am the one who found her passion in her ability to share her story and inspire others to free themselves. I am happy. I am in love. I am making a difference, changing the world. Leading by example, not by possibility. I am living a truly epic life in the arena and loving every minute of it. I can see that woman, I can feel her. The only problem, she’s in the future. She’s not now.

I went to a graduation ceremony a few weeks ago. It wasn’t a school graduation. We were celebrating a woman who was graduating a treatment program for alcoholism. She had over 700 sober days and had completely changed her life. When she had the opportunity to address the group, most of who were still in the program and some who were just beginning, she made the following statement:

My life is one where I have to live one day at a time. Sometimes even one minute at a time. I try very hard not to think about the past. And, I simply don’t think about the future. I have goals and plans, but I can’t get lost in those. I can’t let future plans distract me from what I need to do today, right now, to actually get to where I want to be. So, I live one second, one minute, one day, one week, one month, one year at a time. That’s how it has to be when you’re trying to overcome what we have chosen to overcome. Focus on that and pretty soon you’ll be where you want to be.

As someone who doesn’t drink, I didn’t expect to relate or get much out of this ceremony. I was wrong. The graduate’s statements stuck. Hard. She pointed out exactly where I have fallen short year-after-year. I am always making plans for everything I want to do, everything I know I can do. I get so lost in these plans that I neglect everything I need to be doing today, right now, to get there. The mundane tasks that are absolutely essential, the building blocks- I skip them. Knowing that, it shouldn’t surprise anybody- not even myself- that my life isn’t exactly where I want it to be right now. I am so busy living in the future that my present self is wandering aimlessly and continuously frustrated that the woman I feel isn’t looking back at me in the mirror, the life I love isn’t blissfully consuming me on a daily basis. The stepping stones are right in front of me, but I’m not using them. I’m daydreaming.

Thus, I relent to the notion that the books are right. The endless articles have a point. And the fact that THE POWER OF NOW is laying on the table in front of me is the universe’s way of screaming “WAKE UP!!!!!” I don’t think “living in the moment” is easy but the concept is a simple one. To me, it’s not so much “life is short so enjoy every moment” as it is “your amazing life is one mundane decision away, but that decision is supposed to be made now.” I am starting to understand that blissful, all-encompassing, change-the-world happiness is truly all about what I am choosing to do right now. The life I am living presently. That is how I am going to get to all the places I know I am going.

So, I ask again, where do you live?